Thursday, April 16, 2009

Why do we lie to our children?




Losing her first tooth ended up being a little traumatic. It had been ready to come out for a couple weeks, so ready in fact, that the next tooth was already coming in behind it, and the baby tooth was hanging out over her bottom lip, totally grossing me out. I had convinced her on Monday to let Daddy pull it out when he got home from work, but we didn't have to wait until then because it fell out while she was eating her lunch. She yelled, "Mommy, my tooth fell out!" and came running over to show me. And then the reality of what just happened hit, and she became hysterical. She didn't like the blood in her mouth, the feel of the gums, and the way her mouth felt with an open space, etc. I helped her rinse out her mouth, all the while cheerfully talking about how exciting it was that she lost her first tooth. Nothing I said was able to calm her down...until I mentioned the money from the tooth fairy. We'd been reading a book from the library about a girl who lost her first tooth, and so Kari knew about the tooth=money connection. The tears dried up, and she was excited.

Now, I didn't really know whether mentioning the tooth fairy was a good idea or not. We like to tell our kids the truth (what a novel idea, huh?), and they know that Santa Claus isn't real, that the Easter bunny is just for fun. None of those things are banned in our house, but it's just that we want them to know the true meaning of the important holidays we celebrate, that they're actually all about Jesus, and so the kids know that we are the ones who fill their stockings and such. The tooth fairy is just the tooth fairy, right? There's no holiday connected, no deep meaning related to losing a tooth, so I went with it. It made her stop crying, at least!

That evening, about 45 minutes after we'd put the kids to bed for the night, I was mopping the kitchen floor and heard a quivering, little voice behind me ask, "Mommy, is the tooth fairy real?" Apparently, the thought of some strange creature sneaking into her room while she slept absolutely terrified her. I sat down with Kari on my lap and asked, "Kari, are any fairies real?" Her response was an exasperated "I don't KNOW!" She was so confused, and I knew we needed to have a chat. We had Joel come out (he wasn't sleeping either), and Greg and I explained to the both of them that the tooth fairy is just pretend, that we would be the ones to put money under the pillow, just like it is with the stockings at Christmas. I actually think Joel played a big role in making Kari more scared. The more imaginative of the two, he couldn't stop talking about the tooth fairy, what she would look like, and how she would come into their room. He couldn't wait to see how much money she left Kari in the morning and wanted to know when he would be old enough to lose a tooth.

We still switched out the tooth that night after she was asleep and replaced it with money, and we can pretend it was the tooth fairy, but now we all know the truth. Now I don't really want our kids to be the ones to spoil the fun for all the other kids, so I tried to explain that some kids actually like to believe the tooth fairy is real, and that it's ok to let them think that. When it comes to her faith in Jesus Christ as Savior, I want her to stand up for what she believes and tell other people the truth, but the tooth fairy is just the tooth fairy. Not a life or death situation here.
So, no tiny, tooth-taking, night intruders in this house. But if your kids believe in the tooth fairy, I hope our kids don't ruin it for them!

2 comments:

Pate Family said...

We have told the truth- but said it is a fun thing to pretend in. Both A & H see it as their personal mission to enlighten other children though. We have tried to tell them not to tell other kids, but...

Whitworth Family said...

This story brought back so many memories. I lost a tooth one night when my parents were gone and the babysitter told me the tooth fairy would come get it. I cried and stayed up until my parents came home because I was so scared of something coming into my room at night. So funny... I don't think we'll be doing the tooth fairy either :)